We are a blended family with a total of eight kids (one is grown and moved out), and every other weekend we have seven of them at home, all at the same time. Some of them are picky eaters, some are vegans, others have food restrictions and some are “meatitarians”; two of my teenagers work, and I’m their primary means of conveyance to and from; my attorney husband has a busy work life and there are certain things he absolutely cannot miss. So yes, we’ve got challenges!
The most helpful thing with our big family weekends is to plan meals and assign chores. We love DIY dinners like a sandwich bar, make-your-own tacos, burritos, nachos or quesadillas, and we also make sure to have plenty of frozen fruit for smoothies alongside other foods that kids can prepare independently. I make big pots of soup and chili and use my Instant Pot to make roasts and pulled pork and chicken, and we freeze leftovers in individual containers for lunches. I also like to make meat with just a little seasoning to increase its versatility: Use pork for barbecue sandwiches one night, and for carnitas another! We also use our rice cooker a lot. Eating out or ordering in can be a real lifesaver, but with the number of kids we have, it can be really expensive. We take advantage of deals that are offered during the holidays for restaurant gift cards, and then use them throughout the year when we need to.
Sometimes, when my work gets busier (and it can ebb and flow widely according to when people have their babies), there are other people I can rely on to take up some slack for kid pickups/dropoffs. I’ve also encouraged my boys to get really adept at using public transportation, and there’s always Uber if all else fails! But when life is quieter, my husband and I try to catch up on work, chip away at continuing education, and tackle house projects that fall by the wayside when things are crazy. I also try hard not to waste time on my phone. I challenge myself to keep the phone on the charger when I’m home with my two youngest; I’m so much more present with them, and I get a lot more done.
All my kids, even my 21-year-old, need one-on-one time. I call my oldest and walk around the house with her on speaker phone, and we catch up while doing whatever. The other kids will often jump into the conversation too, which is nice. They miss her. I also embrace driving teens places because they are strapped in and HAVE to talk! Even when my big kids were little, I would run errands with just one at a time and enjoy some precious moments alone with each one. Multitasking is also a wonderful tool. Organizing toys while we play, cleaning the bathroom while supervising my toddler’s bath, folding laundry during movies. (Pro tip: You can trick a one-year-old into folding a few hand towels and they’ll be convinced they’re helping; two-year-olds want to do it for real.) You can teach them to follow what you’re doing to foster real world skills, or just do as much as you can and finish when the kids are otherwise occupied.
That being said, I think it’s possible to take multitasking too far, so when I’m with my younger ones I try to be intentional in creating windows of time when they’re my whole focus. This tends to meet their cravings for attention, and then, when I need them to, they play contentedly by themselves. It’s much more effective (and less frustrating) than trying to do too much when they need me instead; they’ll just whine and bug me and I will get irritable.
All in all, my best piece of advice is to lower your expectations, and then, lower them again. Don’t stress what’s not important; good is good enough!
Katie Miller Kruse is part of the lactation support team at Willow Midwives and a mother of six (plus two bonus kids!).